Pain

Today hasn't been a good day. My pain levels have spiked up for some odd reason. I'm not really sure why. I haven't really over done it this weekend, but today has been rough. I've hit my pain meds a little heavy and it has me feeling a tad bit more "off" than normal. I hate when I have flares like this. The weather is beautiful and warm out today. Warm enough I have even been barefoot or in my flip flops for two days and not have my toes feel like I may suffer from frostbite. Perhaps it's due to barometric pressure? I just don't know. Here is a poem by Emily Dickenson I have jotted down in my journal I keep that has odd bits and pieces I find and write down.



Pain has an element of blank;
It cannot recollect
When it began, or if there were
A day when it was not.


It has no future but itself,
It's infinite realms contain
Its past, enlightened to perceive
New periods of pain.
-Emily Dickenson


Then...I found one in there I had wrote on pain
If the pain spreading through
my body was warmth, or love,
or happiness, I would feel human.
-Me (Tammy) Nov. 12, 2007

Holy Crap! I must have really been having a bad day that day. I'm happy to say not nearly as bad today.


ON to something else:
Years ago, my step-mom had a row of lilac bushes outside of her bedroom window. She LOVED these bushes. When they bloomed in the spring, her bedroom would smell of lilacs when the window was open. She came home one day, and to her horror, my dad had cut down every single bush, and then dug up the stumps for good measure. "Why", you ask? Because, they were blocking his "view" of the road. She was every measure of pissed and slept on the couch for almost two weeks. Years later, it was something we all laughed about. It was just so "Dad". He was a tad on the selfish side...okay maybe a bit more than a "tad", but if he had really thought it through, he probably wouldn't have cut them down. He did it on impulse, an unfortunate trait I inherited.
Three years ago today, I lost Dad to a brain tumor. I'm sure that added to my "feelings" today. I miss him terribly, yet I was so wrapped up in myself and the pain, I totally forgot what day it was until my hubby reminded me. Hmmm...see, that is so something Dad would have done.
So, this picture is for you Dad

And...if you were here today, and you cut down my beautiful dwarf lilac bush that scents my entire living-room when windows are open, and my yard; I would be all kinds of pissed too. I love and miss you.